Are you TWP? I know that I certainly have been. I’ve been TWP in a nightclub, during a theatre workshop, and even in Extension 6 in Joza! I tell you, sometimes I’m just an embarrassment to my race when I become That White Person.
Don’t misinterpret TWPs as racists – they are in fact the exact opposite of racists. They are the kind of people who just embarrass themselves when trying to fit in with people of other races. Like “wiggers”, Eminem, or those middle-class schoolkids who think smoking dope makes them "a Rasta brother, maan".
After centuries of colonialism and bigotry executed by the white man, I think it is time for the scales to tilt in favour of some previously oppressed peoples. A bit of social equality, if you will. Look at the popularity of rap, reggae and RnB music these days: No longer are these genres just appreciated for being foreign and exotic to the pale faces, but now Akon and Beyonce albums are snapped up by white people as if they figured out that Britney Spears has no musical talent.
My most cringeworthy TWP moment occurred while I was slightly inebriated one night out, and I heartily greeted a friend in a nightclub. “Khotso! Khotso! How's it going, man!” Bla bla bla I rattled on. Only after calling him Khotso a few more times did I remember that his name is actually Tsego (and he politely humoured me and did not correct me in the heat of my TWP episode). In my defence, when he first introduced himself to me, it was by his nickname "Gogo" (pronounced like an insect in Afrikaans, not a granny in Xhosa) which my brain somehow regurgitated as Khotso on that fateful evening.
I felt really embarrassed and even though I realised my faux pas in time to apologise to him, it was too late. I had put my foot in it and become That White Person.
I have a number of other TWP tales, but they generally involve me speaking shocking Xhosa, or dancing to house music in the location as if I actually had Beyonce's booty (which is a growing trend among white young females I have observed - the dancing bit, not so much the dancing in the location).
So if you ever have a TWP episode and you really don’t know how to redeem yourself, I suggest that you make some kind of apology, and then humbly continue with whatever you are doing, because then at least the people you are potentially offending can have a good laugh at your expense – you probably deserve it.